


Faith

by Writer_Geekgirl



Series: Castiel and Dean: An AU Love Story [25]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Apocalypse, Canonical Character Death, Emotional Hurt, Episode: s13e22 Exodus, Language, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-26
Updated: 2018-10-26
Packaged: 2019-08-07 16:38:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16412072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Writer_Geekgirl/pseuds/Writer_Geekgirl
Summary: In the ongoing series in which the Winchesters visit alternate realities, Dean and Sam travel to Michael's apocalypse world where they have two alternate Castiels to contend with. How does Dean react when he can't save everyone?This work is part of the Destiel Promptober in which there is a different AU theme for each day in October. The AU for the day is World War.Note: This one is not fluffy like most of the other works in the series. Be warned!





	Faith

Dean staggered as he shifted to another reality. One moment he'd been ordering pizza on the phone for him and Sam, next thing he knew he was in a ramshackle building with someone falling on top of him. 

He was surprised to hear Ketch's say, "Are you rescuing me or trying to kill me, Dean?"

Dean scrambled to his feet, realizing he was in the war-torn apocalypse world. He knew his Castiel killed his apocalypse world counterpart a minute or two after they saved Charlie. Sam started to untie Charlie, while Jack stood next to his mother. Dean shoved Ketch at Mary and said, "Help him." 

Dean ran out of the building to the front where he saw Castiel holding his angel blade to the throat of apocalypse Castiel. "Cas, stop."

Castiel flickered his eyes at Dean, "Dean, he's dangerous. He was torturing Charlie."

Dean asked, "Cas, did you just travel here with me in the last five minutes to an alternate reality or did you pass through a rift with me this morning?"

Castiel scrunched up his face and tilted his head, "What are you talking about?"

"Ok, you're not my Cas either."

Castiel growled with the tip of his angel blade pressing deeper on apocalypse Castiel's throat. "You are not making sense, Dean. We need to get out of here before they amass a counter-attack."

Dean dangled Enochian handcuffs in front of him. "Let's take him with us."

Sam walked around the building, "Dean, Cas?"

"Not our Cas, Sam. Either of them."

Dean approached apocalypse Castiel carefully and slipped the handcuffs on him. "Let's go." Dean pushed him in front of him, while Castiel and Sam followed him.

Sam said, "We can't take him back to the camp if you want to talk to him. Bobby will kill him on sight."

"I know, Sammy. I saw some ruins a ways back. Let's go talk to him there."

Apocalypse Castiel just glared at him, while Castiel followed them looking angry and confused. When they got to the ruins, Castiel said impatiently, "Now, tell me, why didn't we kill him back there? What are you hoping to find out from him?"

Dean said, "What happened to him?"

Apocalypse Castiel looked at Dean and said in an odd voice, his face twitching, "You're wasting your time. I do not have any useful information for you. I go where I'm told, and I torture who they ask me to. I merely follow orders. You might as well kill me."

"Cas, look at him. His speech, the cataract in his eye. The other angels have wings, he doesn't. They did this to him."

Castiel glared, "What does it matter? He tortures humans. He works for Michael."

Dean protested, "Maybe, he deserves to be saved. He's been abused by someone, maybe Naomi, just like you were but much worse."

Castiel stepped backward as if he'd been slapped. 

Sam said, "Dean, where are you going with this? We don't have that much time before Jack and the others need to get on the bus to get out of this place. Lucifer is back at that camp with Jack and Gabriel. We might be able to do some real good here."

Dean snapped, "Sam, in every single reality we've ever gone to, Cas has been good. He's just another victim of Michael." 

Apocalypse Castiel said, "You have encountered more of us?"

Dean hesitated, not knowing how much to tell this Castiel.

Castiel tilted his head, "How many versions of me have you met, Dean?"

"I've lost count. But, I can tell you, every single one turned out to be good. Every single one. So, if there's any chance at all to save this one, I want to take it."

Apocalypse Castiel said, "There's no saving me." His eye twitched and his lip curled up. "There is not enough left to put back together. They have drilled into my head so many times. I am only good for one thing."

Dean responded, "Why did they do this to you? What did you do to rebel?"

Apocalypse Castiel ignored him.

Dean growled, "Answer me." He grabbed apocalypse Castiel by the shoulders and shook him.

Castiel said urgently, "Dean, we have a responsibility to your mother and Jack and the others."

Apocalypse Castiel reiterated, "Listen to him. Go save the humans. All I will do is draw Michael to you."

"Why are you so onboard suddenly to save the humans? Could it be that you tried to do it before?" Dean asked.

Apocalypse Castiel looked between Sam and Dean before saying simply, "Yes. I tried to stop the apocalypse. I failed. I tried to help the humans afterward and I failed. Gabriel and I tried to take down Michael. I failed. I have failed at everything. The only thing I'm good at is getting information out of humans because I am the most like them--flawed, broken, and imperfect. I understand their motivations better because I kept trying to help save them. But I made things worse every single time."

Dean looked earnestly at apocalypse Castiel and said, "You deserved to be saved."

Apocalypse Castiel said, "It's not a matter of deserving. It's a matter of will and faith. I no longer have the will to fight and have no faith to fall back on. I am done. I am broken. I want it to be ended."

Castiel said quietly, "Dean, listen to what he's saying. I found the will to keep fighting because I had you and I had Sam. He's alone."

"I've talked you back from the edge, Cas."

Castiel responded, "And after that, I stayed away from the edge because I had you and I had Sam. You gave me the will to go on."

"Can I give it to him?"

"How? You never existed for him," Castiel replied.

Sam interrupted, "Guys, we are running out of time."

Apocalypse Castiel said, "Michael owns me. I cannot defy his orders. He can find me when I try to hide. He will force me to do his will. There is nothing you can do to save me. So, I ask this -- end me. I don’t want to hurt anyone else. Because of what he’s done to me, I cannot end myself."

Sam said, "Dean, can I talk to you a minute?" Sam pulled Dean away from the others.

Dean said, "He can be saved, Sammy. Cas broke Naomi's hold on him."

"Because Cas loved you. He doesn't have that."

"What, should I give up on him? It's not his fault."

Sam said, "Do you remember Madison?" Sam referred to the werewolf that he had started to fall in love. She had asked him to kill her, so she wouldn't harm anyone else. 

"She was a werewolf, Sam."

"And she knew that she would hurt others. She asked me to end her before she did. Pulling that trigger was the hardest thing I ever had to do, but I did it for her. Because she wanted me to. Because she didn't want to be a monster. Sometimes when you love something, you have to let go."

"It's Cas, Sammy."

Sam said quietly, "No, it's really not. It's Castiel. It could have been Cas--if we had been born here, if we had been here to help him, but we weren't. It's not his fault any more than it was Madison's that she became a werewolf. Hell, probably at least half of the monsters we've killed, it wasn't their fault that they became monsters. It's not right and it's not fair, but it is what is."

Dean closed his eyes. He knew Sam was right, but he looked for any loophole. He glanced back at the two Castiels bleakly.

Sam said, "Let me or Cas do it. You don't have to watch."

"No, I will." A single tear rolled down Dean's face as he pulled out his angel blade and approached apocalypse Castiel. He swallowed, trying to stem the flow of tears starting to obscure his vision. "I'm so sorry that I wasn't here to save you. You deserved better, my friend."

Apocalypse Castiel said, "It is better this way. I finally get to make a choice. I choose this."

"Free will, buddy. It's a bitch." Dean pulled back the angel blade and pushed into apocalypse Castiel's chest. He let out a brief scream, before white light flowed from his eyes and chest. Dean winced at the brightness but refused to look away.

Castiel stared intently at Dean without speaking. Dean staggered against Sam, wrapping his arms around him.

"You are not my Dean and Sam?"

Sam responded, "No, but we'll get out of your hair in a little bit. We never stay long when we travel."

Castiel put a hand on Dean's shoulder, "You can't save everyone, my friend."

Dean responded, "It doesn't mean I won't fucking try. I will not give up on you in any reality without trying."

"I'm honored to call you my friend and brother."

Dean growled, "Don't give me that shit. You fucking love your Dean but both are you are too chicken shit to do anything about it. Well, grow a pair like we did. Tell him. Make him tell you it back. Teach him how to fucking express his emotions. Tell him to have fucking faith in himself. And then right when he believes it, right when has faith he can have a happy ending, break his fucking heart by making him kill a version of you."

Sam hissed, "Dean, stop. It's not his fault either."

"Well, whose fault is it? Chuck's? Lucifer's? Michael's? All of the above? Dad's for making me a soldier? Mom's for making a demon deal? Yours for drinking demon blood? Azazel's? Crowley's? The version of you that is sending me through all these universes with his mumbo-jumbo quantum physics bullshit?"

The crackling of energy surrounded them, and Dean felt his vision begin to blur. He woke up, lying on the bunker floor with his head in Castiel's lap. Castiel was running his fingers through his hair and staring at him intently. Sam stood over him worriedly. "You were out for a long time, Dean. Are you ok?"

"I'm fine, Sam," Dean growled.

Castiel tilted his head and squinted, "No, you are not. Your blood pressure is quite high and your heart is racing."

"Maybe, that's just the side effect of killing an angel," Dean retorted. Castiel looked at Sam confused. Dean grunted, "You didn't tell him that I killed him, Sammy? You all didn't have a chick flick moment together about how messed up poor Dean is? Screw both of you." Dean staggered to his feet and headed to the garage. He got into the Impala and drove into the night.


End file.
